Consequences & Over Thought

When I started this year, I was convinced that I would make 2012 different than all the other years.  I would do the most, challenge myself, but most importantly actually do the things I aspired to do.  And granted I'm only about 15 days in but I'm failing a bit.  I haven't taken a single step on a treadmill.  I'm abstaining from meat (I've never done that) and I'm a bit behind my self-proclaimed schedule. 

My mom always told me I try to do too much, yet my life motto is "I refused to be bored."   I don't like being idle, to have 1 goal that's attainable without a full throttle plan of how that goal will lead to further success.  I realize that it's all a process and there is a point and time where everything turns to gray because I know how much everything can change between now and when I get there.  But so it seems that for me it's never enough until it's too much.  I consider the consequences of everything -- good and bad and the problem with optimism is when you can see the opportunity for good in everything, you sometimes don't fully visualize the bad.  You hope the good will be enough to overcome whatever obstacles are ahead.  Then it's not until it hits that you realize that maybe things weren't what you thought.  Yet I've also found that if I didn't push myself -- if I didn't try to reach for those things I wanted, no matter how impossible they seem, I wouldn't have learned half the things I know now.  That cliche "it's about the journey..." that's what I mean.  And with that, one of the most consistent things I've learned is that when you try to get to a certain goal, you plan exactly the way you expect it to happen.  You may reach that goal, however it often happens in a way that's far different from what you had anticipated.  So now it seems I find myself saying "I'm not exactly sure how I'll do it, but I will do it." And the will is the strongest part -- I think that's what keeps me going sometimes, having all of these achievements to achieve.  Some of them I may never reach and maybe I don't need to.  Maybe I need them there to help me continue to propel myself forward.  No matter what I have or haven't done I never have the desire to "go back to the good old days of..."  I think about how those days were valuable to my life where they were, I'm grateful for what I got from them but I always feel like I've come too far since then to want to go back.  I also think that's a good thing.  I have so much to live for, so many things I want to do, a lot to learn and a sense of contentedness for who and where I am right now.  So inventing a time machine so I could live the same things over and over seem like a giant waste in the whole scheme of life & progress.