Viral Viernes: I Just Never Get Sick of These

Thursday: Not Quite The Weekend

It's Thursday, but I wish it were Saturday.  I don't want to go to work tomorrow.  I want to sleep in and do nothing with no obligations to or for anyone.  I just looked up a bunch of weird and creepy stuff online (don't ask me why) and am too freaked out to actually go to bed.  So I'll probably have to watch at least 2 episodes of The Office and/or Modern Family to be able to go to sleep without having nightmares  Too bad it's already 2 am.  But on the brightside, this stuff is really funny.  So check it out and laugh.  It's almost Friday!

http://www.toptenz.net/top-10-funny-demotivational-posters-feauring-animals.php

Maybe You Should Put That In The Fridge?

I am obsessed with Whole Food's Cranberry Tuna.  I never used to like tuna growing up.  My mom would get it and I found it to be one of the most revolting foods a human could consume.  And then my good friend Sir Roland Toland introduced me to this stuff.  He has an impeccable taste in food and so I found myself closing my eyes and squeemishly giving it a shot.  Now this delectable combination of cranberry, tuna, onions and other ingredients is gonna run me broke (thanks a lot, Whole Paycheck).  It seems healthy but I have a feeling it's loaded with Mayo and actually really bad for you.  But Whole Foods sells it and so it must be good for you...right?  Well I'm completely indecisive of what constitutes as good diet food right now.  I ate chicken last weekend in an attempt to rid my fridge of all things NOT on my diet (vegetarianism).  Then I ended up eating chicken because it was all they had for lunch on Monday.  (Well, there was salad too but I usually like to accompany my salad with something additional.  And was that chicky deeeellllish!)  So I'm aiming more for food that isn't fried or genuinely bad for you.  I went to kickboxing Monday and have every intention of doing better at working out and how I eat.  Naked Juice is also on the list.  My favorite is the acai machine.  I just love the taste (oddly enough).  If they weren't so damn expensive, I'd probably try different flavors, but I'm not spending nearly $4 on something I can't handle more than 2 sips of. 

Speaking of things I can't take more than 2 sips of, I let that bottle of Cotes du Rhone aerate.  Still terrible.  I dumped the thing.  Too bad because the label was pretty.  I did, however, buy another bottle of the "Robertson Winery."  Soooo:

Good:

Bad:

Lesson:

Never buy cheap red wine from France, but feel free to buy kind-of-cheap red wine from South Africa.

Other Lesson:
Cranberry Tuna is good, Whole Foods & Naked Juice is still expensive, but those yuppies seem to be skinny betches so I'll give it a shot.  Just don't make me give up chicken.

Muay Thai Kickboxing

Nearly a year ago, I bought these kickboxing classes off of dealfind.  I started them right around Christmas, but between all the holidays and being gone I hadn't been in over a month.  I really like it though, which surprised me.  I have taken dance classes, cardio kickboxing and all sorts of work out classes and hated most of them.  Those pretentious skinny bitches who only ever talk about their eating habits and yoga stretches while sporting workout clothes that match their over-priced water bottles make me want to vomit and then go eat something to make up for my unnecessary vomiting.  Plus, I always feel that working out should serve as a means to acquire genuine skills as opposed to being solely able to say "Omg, I totally went to the gym today!"

The class I'm taking now is not cardio kickboxing, it's learn-how-to-kick-someone's-ass kickboxing.  And I love it.  I pretend that I'm a stunt actress in a movie and in my head, I feel like I look like this:

However, in reality I'm well aware that I look more like this:

But that's okay because I actually want to go back.  Even though I'm no champion fighter, there's something about it that is pleasantly aggressive.  It makes me feel tough and I just want to do it.  I think it mostly has to do with the fact that it feeds into my on-going fantasies that I'm a secret agent with near-super-human abilities.  And I can stand in the back and no one's judging me because they're all too busy being mediocre themselves.  Well except for those advanced guys who I wouldn't even try to run from.  I would just curl up into a ball and pray they'd knock me out quickly.  But in the fantasy world inside my head I immediately go to the unrealistic scenario: wouldn't it be bad ass to have guys like that for friends who walk around and dare people to fuck with you.  "Oh my god, Jessica, who are  those guys?"  Oh those dudes?  The buff ones?  Yeah, they're just these guys I know -- kinda like body guards.  They could snap your neck.  But I mean, it's fine because we're all just really good friends and stuff cuz we do kickboxing together.  You should have seen them take down those 20 guys at the bar last week... That reminds me.  Did I tell you that I just got a new role in this movie? Yeah, I play a secret agent with super-human powers...

Feel Better About Your Diet a la Bacon Boy

If you tell yourself it's true, it will be -- so eat some bacon kids!

Whether You're High or Low You'll Wanna Dance To This

I have a new music obsession about every week or every other week.  This week I'm stuck on Janelle Monae.  She's such a great artist and if you love Bruno Mars, she performed with him at the AMAs.  It was pretty great too.  As an aspiring songwriter, she's someone I would love to write for.  She's got spunk and style, a solid voice but mostly I find myself really just wanting to dance around when I watch this.  Maybe in saddles shoes and a suit.

The Only Exception

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts 
And we've got to find other ways to make it alone or keep a straight face 
And I've always lived like this, keeping a comfortable distance 
And up up til now I had sworn to myself that I'm content with loneliness 
Because none of it was ever worth the risk...

So far this video has 47 million views and there's a reason for it.  No matter how many times I listen to it it hits home, it makes sense.  Seeing her run out of the church during a wedding and the countless anybodys across from her at dinner-- I know that feeling and I've been there.  As apparently at least 40 million other people have too.  With divorce rates at 50%, celebrity splits in the news left and right, crying over loves lost with best friends, ice cream and french fries at 2am and the constant reminder of impermanence there's a point and time when you say "forget it."  This song is me to a T: you see it, you know better and you want it anyway.  Despite your better judgment, what's sensible, what you've observed and know to be true you want to believe that there's someone out there kind of like you who won't fuck you up and leave you hanging dry.

I've tried to weed out the losers, the leeches, the jerks, the lazies, the cheaters and of course, the ones that are already taken and I've always come up empty handed.  I want to get married someday, I do, but not until I'm at least 30 maybe 32...35 or 40.  I want to leave my 20s to their own, adventurous selves and in that time get myself together, experience everything I could possibly want and never have a doubt as to who I am and what I want.  I don't want to rely on anyone for anything.  I don't want to get distracted by someone who veers me off of a successful course.   I don't want to get wrapped up only to be shredded down later.  And honestly, it hurts too much.  That feeling of not being good enough for someone else, or realizing this isn't what you wanted anymore.  To know that as great of a person as he may be, you can see where things are going and it's a ticking time bomb.  I don't want to wait until there's a house, a car and kids in the works before it explodes.  I don't want to wake up and look at him, stuck in a mess I can't get out of forced to smile while cooking breakfast, all the while wishing I were somewhere else with someone else.  I'm terrified of coming home to a man who smells like someone else's perfume.  But sometimes it seems inevitable.  The men I come across seem to have no regard for the intoxication that comes with flirtation and equally I would never be the other woman, even if I fell in love.  I'm first or nothing and I respect the woman who's already there, whoever she may be, enough to believe that she should be first or nothing too.  So then I walk away and I go home alone again.  After awhile it's the only way you know how to be; it's the way I prefer to be.  I know me, I trust me and I'll always come home to me.  So far I've done a really good job of keeping it together.  I take care of myself, I do the things that I need and while I can't say I've never had a support system (my family and close friends have always been a key & necessary part of my life), I've never needed that kind of a relationship.

I've hoped that I would find someone as driven as myself, who wants things for himself, who is encouraging and independent and isn't looking for a second mom or a nanny.  Someone who gets my humor and can laugh with me as much as he makes me laugh.  Somebody who respects my goals and pushes me towards the things I want.  Someone who challenges me and will dish it right back without being an arrogant know-it-all.  Somebody I don't feel a need to fix in anyway.  That man would be the only exception for me.  I thought I found him once, but I soon found I was wrong.  I'd jumped in despite everything I'd guarded myself against for so much of my life.  Then one day, standing in the kitchen, he told me I didn't mean anything to him yet he had the nerve to look at me like I was stupid for thinking his efforts meant he really cared -- like I should have known better because what he was doing was for one purpose only and once he reached it there was nothing left for me.  So at 23 I was exactly who I swore I'd never be when I was 14.  Ten years stupid and twenty years wiser.  So I try not to light any fires in case that spark burns the whole house down.  But you can't have the fireworks without the flame and I'm pretty sure that's why we're all watching the show.

Wine of the Week! Cotes du Rhone & Windows on the World

On Monday I had a nice little chat with our Sommelier/Wine Manager at work who has taught me most of what I know about wine.  I said to him "I still don't know a lot of things.  I need to learn more -- sometimes clients ask me fancy questions and I have no idea what to say to them...  But I am starting to get snobbier in my wine choices.  I don't really know how to describe them, but I am starting to be able to taste what's good and what's not."  To my surprise he told me "that's good -- that's really what's most important." 

I think my new-found love for wine knowledge is greatly attributed to him.  He's very nice & encouraging about what I should know and it makes me feel less afraid of it.  I've gone to wine tastings where everyone has their nose in the air, smelling the "delectable, yet not over-stated aroma of..." and I'm like "there's what in this?"  Yet when someone says "oh, well when the wine's too cold, it doesn't allow you to taste a lot of the flavours."  Well, I can understand that and suddenly it doesn't seem like such a bad idea to try it at a warmer temperature.  Not to mention, when you finally do get to try a decent wine, served at the proper temperature, you start to try to taste what everyone's talking about. 

Despite all the good habits I'm trying to acquire, one thing I've found that's fun to do is buy a bottle of wine a week to test my own knowledge of wine and what I'm learning.  This week, I picked up another bottle with fancy writing -- Cotes du Rhone.  I was leery of any French import that was only $5.99 (at Trader Joe's).  I gave it a try last night.  It was kind of awful.  It's a dry-er wine, which I knew and I don't particularly like, but some of them have a smooth finish which I can appreciate.  It didn't.   I've left it uncorked hoping it will aerate for a few days like my sweet red wine from Robertson Winery, South Africa did.  That actually turned out to be a very enjoyable wine for $10.99 -- nearly double the price (but still affordable).  I'm much more fond of whites than reds so depending on what else I find (I'll try not to let the fancy writing impair my judgement), I may not be buying anymore cheap reds.  I'm hoping on second try, possibly paired with a nice meal, that this wine will improve.  But honestly, I doubt it.

On my wine adventures and samplings, I believe I will try to read more.  Our Sommelier gave me a book he said was excellent and really got him into wine.  He said it wasn't pretentious and pretty straight forward and easy to read.  I think I may get it when I get my next paycheck or two.  (I'm trying very hard to be financially responsible.  And it is, in fact, very hard.)  It's called "Windows on the World: The Complete Wine Course" by Kevin Zraly (available on amazon.com for only $9.98)

I think it will be fun to compare my ability to shop for myself (and friends) and what I could learn from this book.  Maybe, despite my goals to be on a super diet & lose 20 lbs in the next 2 months, to write & publish short stories, blog consistently, create websites, a business plan for this idea I have and become more organized, it seems at the rate I'm going I may just leave 2012 as nothing more than a betch with a classy wine list.

Consequences & Over Thought

When I started this year, I was convinced that I would make 2012 different than all the other years.  I would do the most, challenge myself, but most importantly actually do the things I aspired to do.  And granted I'm only about 15 days in but I'm failing a bit.  I haven't taken a single step on a treadmill.  I'm abstaining from meat (I've never done that) and I'm a bit behind my self-proclaimed schedule. 

My mom always told me I try to do too much, yet my life motto is "I refused to be bored."   I don't like being idle, to have 1 goal that's attainable without a full throttle plan of how that goal will lead to further success.  I realize that it's all a process and there is a point and time where everything turns to gray because I know how much everything can change between now and when I get there.  But so it seems that for me it's never enough until it's too much.  I consider the consequences of everything -- good and bad and the problem with optimism is when you can see the opportunity for good in everything, you sometimes don't fully visualize the bad.  You hope the good will be enough to overcome whatever obstacles are ahead.  Then it's not until it hits that you realize that maybe things weren't what you thought.  Yet I've also found that if I didn't push myself -- if I didn't try to reach for those things I wanted, no matter how impossible they seem, I wouldn't have learned half the things I know now.  That cliche "it's about the journey..." that's what I mean.  And with that, one of the most consistent things I've learned is that when you try to get to a certain goal, you plan exactly the way you expect it to happen.  You may reach that goal, however it often happens in a way that's far different from what you had anticipated.  So now it seems I find myself saying "I'm not exactly sure how I'll do it, but I will do it." And the will is the strongest part -- I think that's what keeps me going sometimes, having all of these achievements to achieve.  Some of them I may never reach and maybe I don't need to.  Maybe I need them there to help me continue to propel myself forward.  No matter what I have or haven't done I never have the desire to "go back to the good old days of..."  I think about how those days were valuable to my life where they were, I'm grateful for what I got from them but I always feel like I've come too far since then to want to go back.  I also think that's a good thing.  I have so much to live for, so many things I want to do, a lot to learn and a sense of contentedness for who and where I am right now.  So inventing a time machine so I could live the same things over and over seem like a giant waste in the whole scheme of life & progress.

Single Girls

It's funny because it's true.

Viral Viernes: #$%#$ Yeah!

It's Friday.  So you should be watching a stupid video instead of working.  C'mon now.  Don't be dumb.

Do You Get Paid for That?

I found this article on BBC talking about how they've finally figured out what color the milky way would look like to us.  And while that's all well and good, all I could think about was how much did you get paid to find that out?  It's not exactly discovering the cure to cancer (which this 17-yr-old girl may have for a mere $100,000). 

In a day and age where the market is still unsteady and most of my friends talk about getting second jobs if they don't already have one (myself included), it makes you wonder just what criteria constitutes the value of your time.  Because I'd figure out the color of the Milky Way for a million dollars. So I think it has a lot to do with how much b.s. you can put around the effort it takes you to do your job.  Because if you ask me, plumbers don't get paid enough to literally deal with shit all day.  But don't tell anyone that on Wall Street.

Hair

I think this girl has potential.  She needs some work yet, but in a couple years she could be a chart-topper.

Guilty....

Luckily my gay boyfriends still love me.

It Will Rain

I have a great love of Bruno Mars.  Nuff said... cuz i won't tell you how many times I've listened to this song.  He's a great songwriter (although he did had help on this track) and I love how this song is both perfect for the Twilight Breaking Dawn (PT I) Soundtrack and as a stand alone track.  I would like to point out, that he says "there'll be no clear skies" .I definitely thought he was saying "there'd be no Christmas." How odd, this doesn't seem like a Christmas song...  But luckily listening to the cover by Boyce Avenue cleared that up.  It's pretty good -- check it out too!

Viral Viernes: My New Video Obsession

Hilarious.

Wino

Working in a restaurant taught me more about food than I could have expected.  I began as a hostess at a new steakhouse in Chicago and for the life of me I never would have guessed that with a four-year degree I could have come into what I thought was a basic job knowing so little.  This past year and a half has taught me a lot -- from service, how to organize events, how to think of details, team work (the real kind, not the BS they tell you about in school when they pair you up in those miserable groups for class projects and 1 or 2 people do all the work, some people pretend to try and that one jack off never even bothers to show up no matter how many emails and texts you sent out).   But one of the best parts of my job? I've learned about wines! 

When I started all I knew was there was red and white.  I'd spent 8 months studying abroad in Italy yet never new enough about wine to even appreciate it.  In a few short months I'd been able to grasp on to qualities of wine and learned words like "tannin."  We also happen to have sommeliers around -- a word I'd also never heard of before.  (It's basically a fancy French term for wine pros -- they are certified and everything!)  In my year and a half I now know the primary variations of red wine (cabernet sauvignon, merlot, zinfandel, bordeaux, (petite) syrah, pinot noir, etc.) and white wines (chardonnay, sauvignon blanc, pinot grigio, riesling, moscato, Champagne/Sparking, etc.).  I've discovered I prefer sweet(er) wines, usually whites like Moscatos which are often used for dessert, Riesling (from Germany or also really good from the Oregon/Washington State regions) and Champagnes/Sparkling (Champagne may only be called so if it is actually from the French region of Champagne.  Otherwise it's called "sparkling"). I enjoy Prosecco which is basically Italian Champagne and also Spanish and Portuguese white sparkling wines.  I'm no millionaire so I never spend over $20/bottle (usually around $6 but as much as $15 if I'm feeling fancy).  And if you don't want to spend over $20 for great wine, check out this blog http://goodwineunder20.blogspot.com/

I'm very excited to be trying this new wine.  I don't drink reds as often as classier folk but I do enjoy a good sweet wine.  I found this at Whole Foods for $10.99 amongst wines, ports and liqueurs that looked tres chic.  I can't lie, the packaging did a lot of the convincing.  The round flask style of the bottle and the calligraphy print felt like an up-scale time warp the moment I put it in the basket.  Not to mention the fabulously simple yet slightly pretentious name:  "Robertson Winery."  (I imagined a good-looking nobleman with a 3 piece, 1800s style suit reading me the name in a British Accent.  Now try reading that again and tell me you wouldn't have bought it too.)

I still have much to learn about wine and will continue to bug more knowledgeable coworkers rather than reading about it myself (but who knows, maybe I should add that to my New Years Resolutions list). 

If you want to learn more about wine, check out the following websites:

RESOURCES:
http://mashable.com/2008/02/25/30-resources-wine/

BLOGS:
http://www.foodandwine.com/articles/seven-best-wine-blogs
http://www.vinography.com/wine_blog_list.html

WEBSITES:
http://www.cellarer.com/best-wine-websites

RECOMMENDED:
http://www.vinography.com/
http://www.winespectator.com/
(and of course, google!)

Brain Food

I read a lot of stuff, most of it isn't correlated, which I think is true for everyone, really.  That's the beauty of the internet.  One of the things I've noticed in my early twenties is how quickly my parents and other adult family members seem to be aging.  And not only that, but how many friends, co-workers and acquaintances around my age seem to have the same realization.  I found this article interesting and encouraging.  It discusses foods that older adults can eat to improve memory & brain function.  I think I'll start eating those now!

ARTICLE TO READ: http://www.upi.com/Health_News/2011/12/31/Diet-may-help-prevent-brain-shrinkage/UPI-50201325388816/

2012 Goals

I can't just go and tell y'all to keep to your resolutions without doing it myself.  So, according to the previous article I will list my goals for the year... and talk about it... occasionally when I'm not too distracted.
I'm not numbering them because the order doesn't matter.

WHAT: Get More Organized
HOW:
Not just clean, but put things away and create a flexible schedule.  I've found that I try to do a bunch of stuff at once, get burned out and have no desire to do it anymore.  That is neither productive nor useful.  So I've realized that I shouldn't wake up and say "I'm going to do laundry, wash my dishes, write a song, 5 blog posts AND iron when I get home from work!"  I know damn well when I get home from work, if I don't get an invite to do something from friends or have to stay late I'm going to want to come home, stuff my face, lay around while watching tv and surfing the internet and MAYBE iron a shirt.  So instead, I know that I need to wake up earlier to work out and then when I come home do some dishes , iron an outfit for tomorrow and see if I feel like writing a song or blog post.  Denying yourself things that are fun or things that relax you is what makes you so burned out.  So rather than watching 5 shows I like on Hulu or Netflix I need to watch 1 or 2 and do a few extra things.  This makes me feel like I've been productive and more importantly I DON'T feel guilty for not completing everything on my list.  Then, if I have the energy to do more, it's a bonus and something I can take off tomorrow's list.
This will then allow me to be more put together for all those other things I want to do.  Because if my clothes are put away, I'm not tripping while digging through a "fresh" load of laundry that's all over the floor when I'm running late for work and frustrated that I can't put an outfit together. 

WHAT: Get In Shape
HOW:
Some of the people at my work have joined together to do a P90x challenge.  There's a $100 buy-in and the grand prize is $1200.  That should be motivation, but the real key for me is building good habits.  So if I'm organized and decide I will get up earlier to work out, then that's the real goal.  Health studies and scary news articles have shown us that we should probably stop being fat & lazy.

WHAT: Building My Professional Network
HOW:
Linked In is a great resource to make real-person connections and find others who are interested in what you are (via groups, networks, etc.)
Learning about what's in the area (Chicago, for me) -- groups, organizations, etc.
Developing a stronger sense of what types of professions I'd be interested in learning more about (Marketing, PR, Private Events, Advertising... comparing my actual profession to what I studied and my interests.  Looking at how you spend most of your time is a good indication of what you're already learning most about.  For me this is the internet, social media, technology, politics, music, education/business stuff and needless celebrity facts.  I should probably try to network with people who work in areas like social media & internet marketing.)

WHAT: Getting a Short Story or News Article Published
HOW:
Like real published, not the published that my blog claims I've done when I hit "Publish Post."
So I should probably write some short stories and find out who publishes those things anymore...

WHAT: Writing & Recording Music
HOW:
I need to get some tools to record music including a microphone and probably some random cables I don't know how to plug in.  Then I need to actually record the stuff I write and put it on youtube or something.  It worked for Justin Bieber anyway.

New Year's Resolutions

In case you plan on making actual goals for yourself rather than just saying "oh yeah, I totally make myself an annual list of things we all know I have no real intention of doing," like me.


Here's an article that may help.  I find this to be shockingly similar to any other "How to... and keep doing it!" article, but it only takes the correctly-worded paragraph of encouragement to hit your brain and stick!

So go get skinny, quit smoking, eat better, run more, call your grandma, clean your closet (and keep it that way), get a puppy, open a savings account, buy a car...

Just don't call me in 3 months when you've drained your savings account making car payments and buying beer which nearly burned down your house when that puppy knocked over the ash tray after you'd fallen asleep on the couch with a bag of Chcetos in your hand.  Cuz I don't want to hear it.  And it's not my fault.

THE ARTICLE TO READ: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/dike-drummond/new-years-resolutions-tha_b_1172758.html