So, How About That Diet?

I'm sitting here with a bag of Lay's Mesquite BBQ Potato Chips reading about how carbs are bad for insulin resistance while waiting for my Mandarin Chicken to finish up in the microwave.  As typical of myself, I was like "I'm going to get healthy!" but food is expensive to buy regularly, especially when you work at a restaurant that provides cereal in the morning and salads and various food for lunch.  And that whole "these carbs are like mini heart attacks!" was a theory that worked for about 2 days -- the length of my low carb diet.  I'm trying to be more aware of what I eat, but the problem isn't just awareness.  I'm looking at those little chips, thinking in a crooning voice "c'mere little delicious heart attacks.  just a few of you...a few more."  It's the control and commitment that's hardest.  I never even buy potato chips,  I get whole corn chips and guacamole from whole foods, usually.  But there was a buy-one, get-one sale and my friend was like "what flavor do you want?"  I also have a bag of chips ahoy cookies that I'm leaving in the office.  I didn't open them and I don't plan to. 

While reading over all these diets I realized that to truly be healthy with insulin resistance, while not as drastic as full-on, type 2 diabetes still isn't going to be as easy as I thought.  It takes awhile to get balanced, they say -- at least 2 months.  Meanwhile, my stomach has been bloating out of control some days -- I can see how puffy my face looks -- but then there are days when I completely deflate and I feel like I'm the size I should be.  I thought I had some gastrointestinal problem, but when it boils down to it, I think its just this.  I totally have the "apple" shape they discuss in every "symptoms" article.  My 25th birthday is coming up and I wanted to lose a bunch of weight.  Start the actual adulthood off right -- exercising regularly, eating well, gaining financial stability, committing to more activities and being involved.  Winter always makes that difficult cuz it's just bloody awful in Chicago in the winter, even mild ones like this year.  But I think this whole year is going to be a process of trying to sort myself out.  While I'm not writing the 5 days a week I hoped to consistently, I'm writing every week.  I'm working on short stories to try to publish in contests in the fall. I've almost read an entire book -- something I never do.  I probably average 1 book a year and it's only March!  I may get in as many as 4 this year.  Maybe more -- I'm going to get The Hunger Games soon since everyone's obsessed with it...  My point being, I wanted 2012 to be a good, transitional year for me.  A year of setting goals and make up for the giant nothing I accomplish all of 2011.  It was the only time I'd looked through the goals I'd listed in my diary and achieved none of them.  For the first time ever in my life!  So I continue to push through my bad habits as every cliche feels mockingly true.  Old habits die hard.  Oh don't they. 

My chicken's done.