Monday, June 18, 2012

Ahh!


This reminds me of how I feel every time I take my trash out, expecting to find a dead body in the dumpster or someone waiting to kill me.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

Call Me Maybe


My better judgement tells me this teeny-bopper chart topper is something I shouldn't be listening to in public.  The lyrics aren't deep, neither is the concept.  So why I do I love it so damn much and how is it so catchy?  The verses aren't even that great but it's the damn hook...  So this summer I confess to eternally being a 14 year old girl somewhere inside and will shamelessly dance to this on repeat until fall.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Getting It Together

It's a process, this whole life thing.  That's pretty much all I've been talking about lately, but I'm excited now.  I just started my first professional blog The Chicago Event Planner which means I probably won't be posting here everyday, but I haven't exactly been anyway...

Last night I went to the Midsommer fest in Andersonville.  It was a lot of fun and it made me realize that I need to get out and have more fun more often.  I dive into work, I come home and I mostly just obsess over work stuff.  But the idea of work hard, play hard is a good one.  You need to let loose and just be vivacious for life once in awhile.   I have everything I need to make me a happy person, I just need to want to be happy.  And I do.

I've decided that when it comes to my life both professionally and personally I just need to go full throttle. I have to try in every way I can.  For awhile I was becoming dissatisfied with my job and I let one thing get to me and inside my head.  I let it distract me from the obvious: I work in one of the top steakhouses in Chicago with some of the most amazing chefs who are willing to teach me about food, an amazing wine director who has taught me so much about wine and a supportive group of people who will give me the tools to learn and get better if I just ask them.  So that's what I need to do.  I've taken home copies of our menu descriptions, I have that wine book I need to crack into more and I also need to get better at Spanish and I've found really awesome podcasts that do just that.  I have all the things I need to be exactly the person I want to be and brains enough to get whatever I don't have.  It's been taking me some time and maybe I just needed some sun, but for the first time in a long time I'm feeling really excited about my life.

Saturday, June 2, 2012

You Think You Know, But You Don't Know

I feel like most of this year I've been whining (and wining) about what I want and how I'm not getting it.  Which is dumb.  Sometimes you hit that point where you're like "ugh, my life sucks and it's kinda all you guys' fault."  I never thought I was that kind of person and for the most part I don't think I am but the thing about being a multi-tasking, dynamic and successful person is that it's really effing hard.  There's a reason why some people make history books and have news articles written about them -- because they did something different, out of the norm and challenging.  Which is probably why I've been failing miserably this year at that goal.  Sometimes life feels hard just being life without trying to make it harder.

I don't think I've ever been happy with the idea of being a "normal" person living a "normal" life.  In the back of my mind I've always wanted to be extraordinary at something, constantly challenging myself, doing & learning new things, and making a statement.  I don't feel that it's a reality-show-generation thing, it's a me thing.  Why sit at home and be a waste of space when you can do something really incredible?  I love reading Harvard Business Review, watching videos on TED.com and reading articles about entrepreneurs, political & social leaders, technology, scientific progress, international news...and a lot of the trash on E!.  I love the idea of pushing the boundaries and working to unite under the common cause of equality and humanity. I mean, in college I did miserably on my math testing and got put in basic, but I blew all my peers away in philosophy.  I remember reading about Alcibiades (pronounced al-sih-bye-ah-dees and not al-sibee-ah-dees like I originally thought).  Alicbiades was this over-achieving hot ass Greek dude who was really young and really cocky.  He thought he knew everything because of his success.  Socrates, his teacher, tries to tell him to chill out a bit, kind of a "hey you don't know everything kid."  To which Alcibiades pretty much says "Yeah whatever old man.  Look at me and look at you.  I'm hot, successful and everyone loves me. Please."  And then some shit happens and our buddy Al has a wtf moment while Socrates gives him the "I told you so."  Granted that's a very basic version of the story, but my point is that most people are Alcibiades, particularly young whipper snappers such as myself.  Most of us feel we know all there is to know about things but as it turns out, the more you know the more you realize you don't know things, can't know some things and actually may never really know anything.  Thus comes Socrates 3 levels of knowledge:
1. You think you know, but you don't know
2. You know you don't know
3. You know

Not many people reach stage 3.  Most of us accept the fact that we don't know shit and move on.  But I've come to realize that while I'm very aware of the fact that there are many things I don't know and many things I want to learn, sometimes I can get comfortable and slip back into stage 1.  Yes, we people get comfortable so we get bored and we don't challenge ourselves.  Or at least I haven't.  When you get a routine, even bad ones, it's hard to break it and that's where I've been.

I've been complaining a lot I've realized for the past year on things.  Only recently have I had an enlightening conversation with a fellow employee that made me realize I'm kinda being a dumb betch.  I've really told myself that in turning 25 I need to become a real adult and start living my life the way I intend to live it from here on out.  I always make a set of goals for myself every year on my birthday -- kind of like new year's resolutions but not. I like to say when I was [age] I accomplished this.  Depressingly I'd accomplished not one of my goals when I was 23, after years of hitting many of my goals and sometimes even blowing them out of the water.  It was a real slap in the face.  This year I've been meandering.  I've not done nothing but I've certainly not done everything I can.  I've been lamenting over "becoming a 'real adult'."  I've been trying to mentally prepare myself a lot.  I want to push myself, physically, mentally and professionally.  If I'm not challenging myself and working towards making the world a better place, then why am I alive?

However, the real challenge for me seems to be accepting the fact that I can't do it all at once-- just when I get spurts of energy that quickly burn out and deflate my motivation altogether.  I have to build and adapt and accept that it's ok to lay around and do nothing some days.  I don't need to feel guilty every day because I didn't clean.  I've started getting into habit of doing less.  Instead of planning to do laundry, take out the trash, do dishes, iron, change my bed, mop and clean the bathroom all on Saturday  I should just do dishes before bed, 1 or 2 loads of laundry instead of 10 because I put it off for so long and accept the fact that after a day at work I just need to chill the fuck out.  A 20-30 minute workout daily is better for me than an hour run once or twice a month.  2 loads of laundry a week is more manageable than 8-10 every 1.5-2 months (I've seriously put off laundry that long).  I may be insulin resistant but I don't have to completely give up foods I like.  I'm trying to find ways to ease myself into adult life.  Because to me, "adult life" means being responsible, getting things done and not making excuses.  Sort of like Demi Moore in J.I. Jane.  But I guess it means that I need to learn how to prioritize too.  I can't always have what I want or do what I want, but I need to push for those things all the same.  I want to save money and be "fiscally responsible."  I've started looking at IRAs, lifetime insurance -- things adults have.  I want to get a 2nd job so maybe I can pay off both of my credit cards by the end of the year instead of just cutting them in half.  I want that Louis bag (and I found it at about 1/5th the price on a website because it's from at least 3 seasons ago and they just want to get rid of it now).  I've accepted the fact that there's nothing wrong in spending money to have some nice things as long as I can actually pay for it.    I also accept the fact that the earlier half of your twenties is meant for fun and the latter half will probably be spent making up for the earlier half.  I realize I'm going to have to lock myself away to the Corporate America system working no less than 60 hours a week to keep student loans, credit cards and life expenses in check until I'm at least 30.  If I got a 2nd job and did nothing but put all that extra money towards my student loans, I could knock in out in 3-4 yrs or less instead of 7-10.  My mind is overwhelmed with possibilities, which I guess is a good thing in comparison to its opposite.  It seems that even as I write it out, I feel like I know what I want, what I need to do but then maybe -- really -- I don't even have a clue.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Kitty!

This past memorial day weekend I adopted a 6 year old girl.  Her name is Jazmine and she's quite furry with beautiful green eyes.  She likes to jump on things, incidentally into the freezer the other day and the best part is that she's always excited to see me when I get home.  The best part about the fact that she's a cat and not a child is I can fill her water and food and go to work.  While she doesn't help pay the bills like a roommate would, she's excellent company -- enough company I think.  She happens to have an excellent temperament and knows just when to leave me alone.  But she's also not afraid to ask for attention.  I love her dearly even though I've only had her 3 days.  I suddenly look forward to coming home when I used to always feel like home was where I should go because at least I won't spend money there.  I feel the need to keep my apartment clean 1. so she won't eat things she shouldn't or hurt herself on anything and 2. because I feel like she should have a nice place to live.   She already knows that morning is when we we eat and when I get home from work it's time for dinner.  I'm very excited to have her and just maybe I'll even chill out a little bit because now I have a little kitty to focus on instead of bills, work and things that really just don't matter.

It was 90 on Monday and she jumped in the freezer!




Tuesday, May 29, 2012

How To Be Good At Life?

I read this article this morning talking about a guy who went to a good school, got an "amazing" job and took 6 years to realize that his six-figure career bought him everything he wanted but was killing him.  http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/no-one-cares-that-you-graduated/

It's really good.  It's really honest.  And it's really true.

How many times a week, hell a day, do I think "why do I suck at life?"  I recently opened my May edition of Vogue and read this article about a girl who studied abroad her first semester junior year in Kenya.  She went from student to a woman changing the world.  It reminded me a bit of my spring break trip to Ghana, minus the fact that I'm not engaged to a local, political/social activist, survived malaria and started an entire organization that educates children, provides food, medical care, vaccinations and HIV/AIDS testing to the local Kenyan community.  But we're the same age and when I read things like that and think "why do I suck at life?"  I also thought "why am I excusing myself for sucking at life all the time?"  I wanted to be like her.  She was inspiring.  I stapled the article and stuck it on my fridge.

http://issuu.com/hopetoshine/docs/vogue_feature_shining_hope

I've been tracking it with this very blog -- failed attempts at healthy eating, not wanting to spend money on wine every week, not writing every day.  I spend my time doing things but the whole time I think that I should be doing something else.  Why is that?  If I'm watching tv I think about how I should be cleaning or doing laundry. If I'm doing laundry I think about how much I hate doing laundry but feel "good" about it because it's what I should be doing.  Right now I should be doing dishes instead of writing, only I love writing and reading articles online.  I try to organize my life based on the things I feel like I SHOULD do only to end up doing kinda what I want to do but I punish myself for it.  I'm obsessed with trying to have enough money since it seems everyone I work with makes so much more than me.  I want to help my parents out -- my dad is 71 and still works 12 hr shifts in a factory saying things like "I thought I'd get to retire, but I think I'm going to die in there."  That's kind of depressing.  And my mom doesn't work because my sister is special needs and requires her entire life caring for her -- plus now she is caring for my grandma who is in her late eighties.  My mother hasn't work in nearly 30 years.  So add that to the fact that  I don't have benefits of any kind including insurance, sick days or vacation.  I work hard at what I do only to be told that getting used to make other people money is "just how it is" because I don't have enough work experience and blah blah blah.  But truth be told it makes me really upset.  I have so many ideas, so many things I want to do.  I want to travel, to start my own business (even businesses -- I have multiple ideas I think can be successful).  I want to work to help people whether in government or as part of an NGO or something.  I was excited NATO was coming when other people were terrified that the city would be violently attacked and burned to the ground.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy what I do and I'm good at it but I'm turning 25 in about a month.  I'm trying to get my shit together finally.  Eat better & exercise regularly because I need to start taking care of my body before things go downhill.  Start doing and not just come up with ideas and let them sit there.  I want to find ways to do everything I want to do.  I want to make sure I don't get caught in the machine that is Corporate America.  Last night I was talking to my aunt on the phone.  She's getting ready to retire.  She worked hard -- endless hours her whole life.  She was a model employee but she said "yes, I have all this money and we are where we are today because of it but I've wasted my whole life."  "Not your whole life," I said.  "You still have plenty to live."  "Yeah, but not much of it."

So I can work and plot and fantasize but the excuses remain.  I can't leave because of my family, I want to get more experience.  It's expensive and uncertain to move or do something else.  While I have more to think of than myself, at the end of the day you have to answer to yourself.  So I ask:  What would the definition of "a good life" be for me?  What are the things I should be doing to make me happy, to be successful and to help others?  I don't want to live a regimented life even though order and consistency is always looked upon with favor.  But it's boring -- to me.  So plain, so regular.

I just need to figure out what it means for ME to be good at life.  And also I should probably quit bitching and just do the dishes already.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

The Avengers & Yellow Tail

No, not the adventures of yellow tail.  The Avengers AND Yellow Tail.  Those are the subjects today. 



I went to see The Avengers opening weekend.  It was pretty good for your typical Marvel movie, but a bit long.  Two and a half hours that could have been one and a half, two at the most.   Robert Downey, Jr. (Ironman) & Chris Hemsworth (Thor) stole the show with their humor and delivery.  One of my favorites was a scene where they are in the woods after Thor has been arguing with his brother.  Thor's character speaks in a very Olympian and official kind of way and so "Ironman" says to him "What is this, Shakespeare in the woods?"  I was laughing 5 minutes after it happened.  You just had to be there, I guess.  The other characters were good but I do have to say that Scarlet Johansson was pretty much just there for the boys seeing as her talents were kicking people in the face and delivering most of her lines in a sexy-but-bad-ass voice while wearing lots of leather, skin tight outfits.   But to be fair, the red hair looked good on her.  Long story short:  it's a good date movie.  All the action a boy could want and all the good-looking boys a girl could want.  Win-win.

Now, let's get to drinking.

I've been trying to "explore" my wine knowledge and really learn what I like.  Then one day I didn't have a lot of cash and didn't want to read labels.  I walked into Walgreens and grabbed a moscato -- something I know my taste buds wouldn't mind sipping on.  After the day I'd had I was not into the idea of accessing the tanin levels and seeing if it balanced well with the acidity.  I wanted cheap and easy.  I'd seen somewhere that Yellow Tail was one of the highest-selling brands in the market.  I remember being surprised by that fact and figured that since I saw a bottle in front of me, I should see why everyone seems to like this stuff.

That would be because it's cheap and good. 

I've bought another bottle since.  It doesn't taste cheap like even some pricier bottles do or other imported wines under $10.  I can usually find it for right around $6 which isn't much more than the over-priced orange juice I buy.  There's a slight effervescence which is something I really like in a white wine, particularly sweet wines.  I used to drink maybe a half glass of wine at a time and I can drink a half bottle of this.  That's probably not a good habit to form, but the point is that I don't feel like "eeehhh, ok enough of this now."  I enjoy it and say "oh, just a little more -- can't hurt."  I bought a bottle of the "Sweet Red Roo" to try.  I have every confidence in it after how surprisingly tasty their moscato was.

I still have my wine book and I have every intention to continue to explore wines, however I also found an easy go-to when I don't want to think about it.  Or when I'm broke.