How To Be Good At Life?

I read this article this morning talking about a guy who went to a good school, got an "amazing" job and took 6 years to realize that his six-figure career bought him everything he wanted but was killing him.  http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/no-one-cares-that-you-graduated/

It's really good.  It's really honest.  And it's really true.

How many times a week, hell a day, do I think "why do I suck at life?"  I recently opened my May edition of Vogue and read this article about a girl who studied abroad her first semester junior year in Kenya.  She went from student to a woman changing the world.  It reminded me a bit of my spring break trip to Ghana, minus the fact that I'm not engaged to a local, political/social activist, survived malaria and started an entire organization that educates children, provides food, medical care, vaccinations and HIV/AIDS testing to the local Kenyan community.  But we're the same age and when I read things like that and think "why do I suck at life?"  I also thought "why am I excusing myself for sucking at life all the time?"  I wanted to be like her.  She was inspiring.  I stapled the article and stuck it on my fridge.

http://issuu.com/hopetoshine/docs/vogue_feature_shining_hope

I've been tracking it with this very blog -- failed attempts at healthy eating, not wanting to spend money on wine every week, not writing every day.  I spend my time doing things but the whole time I think that I should be doing something else.  Why is that?  If I'm watching tv I think about how I should be cleaning or doing laundry. If I'm doing laundry I think about how much I hate doing laundry but feel "good" about it because it's what I should be doing.  Right now I should be doing dishes instead of writing, only I love writing and reading articles online.  I try to organize my life based on the things I feel like I SHOULD do only to end up doing kinda what I want to do but I punish myself for it.  I'm obsessed with trying to have enough money since it seems everyone I work with makes so much more than me.  I want to help my parents out -- my dad is 71 and still works 12 hr shifts in a factory saying things like "I thought I'd get to retire, but I think I'm going to die in there."  That's kind of depressing.  And my mom doesn't work because my sister is special needs and requires her entire life caring for her -- plus now she is caring for my grandma who is in her late eighties.  My mother hasn't work in nearly 30 years.  So add that to the fact that  I don't have benefits of any kind including insurance, sick days or vacation.  I work hard at what I do only to be told that getting used to make other people money is "just how it is" because I don't have enough work experience and blah blah blah.  But truth be told it makes me really upset.  I have so many ideas, so many things I want to do.  I want to travel, to start my own business (even businesses -- I have multiple ideas I think can be successful).  I want to work to help people whether in government or as part of an NGO or something.  I was excited NATO was coming when other people were terrified that the city would be violently attacked and burned to the ground.

Don't get me wrong, I actually really enjoy what I do and I'm good at it but I'm turning 25 in about a month.  I'm trying to get my shit together finally.  Eat better & exercise regularly because I need to start taking care of my body before things go downhill.  Start doing and not just come up with ideas and let them sit there.  I want to find ways to do everything I want to do.  I want to make sure I don't get caught in the machine that is Corporate America.  Last night I was talking to my aunt on the phone.  She's getting ready to retire.  She worked hard -- endless hours her whole life.  She was a model employee but she said "yes, I have all this money and we are where we are today because of it but I've wasted my whole life."  "Not your whole life," I said.  "You still have plenty to live."  "Yeah, but not much of it."

So I can work and plot and fantasize but the excuses remain.  I can't leave because of my family, I want to get more experience.  It's expensive and uncertain to move or do something else.  While I have more to think of than myself, at the end of the day you have to answer to yourself.  So I ask:  What would the definition of "a good life" be for me?  What are the things I should be doing to make me happy, to be successful and to help others?  I don't want to live a regimented life even though order and consistency is always looked upon with favor.  But it's boring -- to me.  So plain, so regular.

I just need to figure out what it means for ME to be good at life.  And also I should probably quit bitching and just do the dishes already.